Victims Insist Domestic Violence is a Real Problem in Cranford

"In a town like Cranford, I am terrified of anyone knowing," said Amy. But Amy is not her real name. This Cranford domestic violence victim asked that we conceal her identity.

"I am an educated woman [who] is well-employed," she said. "I just bought a house, but all that would not matter. I am afraid that I would be judged on what he did to me.

"A lot of people think that it does not happen any more, that the women today are too smart and there are too many agencies to help them," said Amy. "Also, women today would never let that happen, and if they do then there is something wrong with them."

But statistics show, overwhelmingly, that is not the case.

There were 70,613 domestic violence offenses reported by police in New Jersey in 2008, according to the state's annual domestic violence report.

The report also shows:

• Of those offenses, 57 involved murders (a 50 percent increase from 2007), 30,429 involved assaults, and 30,023 involved harassment.
• Arrests were made in only 31 percent, or 21,665 of all cases.
• Children were involved or present during 33 percent of all offenses.
• Alcohol or drugs were involved in 28 percent of offenses, with alcohol alone accounting for 25 percent.

In Union County, there were 3,785 reported offenses in 2008 with none involving murder (down from three in 2007), 1,692 involving assaults, 152 involving terroristic threats, 276 involving criminal mischief, and 1,604 involving harassment. Police made 1,166 arrests.

Cranford police posted a slight drop, from 102 to 88, in the number of domestic violence cases investigated between 2007 and 2008.

What state, county and town domestic violence reports don't factor in is that many crimes go unreported.

A victim of domestic violence may not file a report with police because they are afraid of receiving negative reactions from family members and neighbors. They may believe that nothing will be done to make an arrest for the crime. 

While Cranford police provide emergency restraining orders for victims of serious domestic violence situations, the incident must first be reported and victim must request the service.

"The No. 1 reason victims do not report crimes is the fear of later retaliation," said Kristina, a Cranford resident and therapist working with the YWCA of Eastern Union County, who asked that her last name not be used. "The most dangerous time for a victim is when they are planning or actually leaving an abusive situation. Survivors also know that a restraining order is just a piece of paper. Knowing this, many victims do not feel safe reporting the crime."

"A lot of times a neighbor will call and when our officers arrive, the victim will back down," said Lt. Robert Colaneri of the Cranford Police Department. "They don't want their spouse or whoever to be arrested and so tell the officers 'it's not a big deal'."

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, no matter the victim or perpetrator's nationality, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic class and age group.

It is often mistakenly thought that victims have a low self esteem and that is the reason they remain in the abusive situation, said Kristina. On the contrary, victims are often brave, strong and knowledgeable human beings. Unfortunately societal reinforcement helps perpetrate the abuse within the home.

In many cases of domestic violence, the need for power and control is the perpetrator's main goal within the relationship with the victim. By instilling fear, perpetrators can gain power and control over their victims, said Kristina.

"No one thinks this kind of stuff happens in Cranford, at least we have to pretend it doesn’t, but this is exactly the perfect place for abusers," said Amy. "Women here do not want to make a scene, draw attention to themselves."

"Many of these women left the work force because their husbands made enough money for them to stay home and take care of the children," she continued. "They are dependent on their husbands. If she leaves, then she cannot stay home with her children, she would have to re-enter the workforce and put the kids in childcare."

Amy lived with her abuser for two to three months after she reported the crime.

"That was the hardest time in my life," she said. "He was very scary. I was terrified. I slept with a bat under my bed. I have told some women this [after the fact] and they said they would never leave a bat where he could get it. I see that point... but I did..."

When she tried to secure a job after five years as a stay-at-home mother, she didn't receive a single phone call for an interview. She was afraid she'd have to move her children out of Cranford.

"My own mother said 'what choice do you have? You have no job and small children.'”

The YWCA came to Amy's aid. This Cranford-based non-profit organization is dedicated to serving the women, children and families dealing with domestic violence. They provide a 24-hour hotline (908-355-HELP/4357), temporary emergency shelter, supportive housing, advocacy, counseling, children's services and legal advocacy, accompaniment and representation.

In 2007, the YWCA provided emergency shelter for 84 women and their children and supportive housing for 25, according to their annual report. They received 1,842 emergency hotline calls and their domestic violence response teams served 69 women.

YWCA members not only provided Amy with a safe, supportive listening environment, but gave her food, Christmas gifts for her children, and private weekly sessions with a counselor.

She also went to her church for help. Her minister helped her find a job with one of the parishioners. Amy is now an attending member of a YWCA support group dedicated to helping women with self esteem. She looks forward to a time when she can become a more active member in the YWCA and help those with similar experiences.

The Union County Prosecutor's Office's Domestic Violence Unit points to the following additional services for victims of domestic violence:

• Project Protect, an organization that offers shelter and counseling, can be reached at 908-355-HELP (4357)
• Union County Domestic Violence Center - 908-272-0304
• National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233

Click here to see the state, county and municipal 2008 domestic violence reports. See the 2007 YWCA report here.